The value of Hypocrisy

Hypocrisy is defined as saying one thing but doing another, in which the thing that is done is worse than the thing being said. An example is a man professing to love all humanity in public but telling his little son in private to "stay away from those dirty niggas/chinks".

We generally regard hypocrisy as bad.

However, hypocrisy does serve a necessary function in society. Before I elaborate, let me pose a thought question - you are a parent of three young daughters. There is currently a pop singer who is extremely popular and your daughters worship her as an idol. You happen to find out from private sources that this pop singer has been to bed with more than a hundred men and loves to do drugs.

Would you rather the pop singer be honest about her lifestyle and promote it on TV, or to hide it and assume an air of innocence?

I'm pretty sure most parents would choose the latter.

The fact is that all of us exert some influence on the general moral standards around us. Our circle of influence may be big or small, strong or weak, depending on our position vis-a-vis others and our standing in society. Nevertheless the influence is there.

Now the effect of our influence is partly caused by what we say, and partly by what we do. Over an extended period of time, with people who know us well, I have no doubt that the "what we do" part has a stronger influence on their moral standards. However if the period of time is short and the acquaintenceship is not that deep, what we say would probably have a stronger influence, assuming we are half-decent in covering things up, which most people are.

The crux of the matter is that, say on the general moral scale most people behave at a 5, but talk at a 7 or 8. The "accepted general moral standards" of society would then be roughly at a 6, but since we all cut ourselves some slack quietly we still behave at a 5.

Say we behaved at a 5 and talked at a 5 as well. The accepted moral standard would then fall to 5, then we would actually behave at a 4. This would obviously be detrimental to society as a whole.

Now, some people may say that our dislike for hypocrisy, despite its social necessity, springs from a distaste of people who maintain hypocritical standards in public and succeed because of this. I do agree that this distaste is deserved. However I also feel that the majority of successful people in society succeed not because of their sterling moral character, but instead other elements such as charisma, looks, intelligence, etc. I am not maintaining that successful people tend to be bad, just that whether a person is successful or not has not much connection to whether he is good or bad.

When a person is successful, the chance to be selfish is increased. Rich people can spend more money on immoral acts, attractive people have more chances to cheat on their partners, powerful people have a greater capacity to bully others, smart people have more chances to cheat people in general. The resulted hypocrisy in covering up these acts is then not due to a lower moral character than the average person, merely due to a greater opportunity to be selfish.

So when we criticize such people for being hypocritical, we are in a way being hypocritical ourselves.

I don't want to be a tough watermelon

Some scientists once did an experiment: they got hold of a young, growing watermelon and placed heavy weights on it while it was growing. Every day they would gradually add to the weights.

In the end when the watermelon had finished growing they tried to cut it open. Knives just bounced off, so in the end they had to use a chainsaw. The fibers inside were tough as hell. The scientists involved estimated that the final form of the watermelon could support up to 500 kilos of weight. Very impressive.

This story is often used as an allegory to show that people who have taken more pressure in life tend to be tougher and more successful, like the watermelon.

So, for society to progress should we work harder and put more pressure on people, starting with giving little kids a ton of schoolbooks?

Personally I disagree.

I do admit that people who have taken more stress and pressure do tend to be able to withstand hardship better and work harder than others. No doubt there.

But is the purpose of humanity to withstand hardship and work hard? I would say that although those qualities are necessary to some degree, they are not the final aim of humanity. Our purpose in creation is to create and find beauty and truth, through advancing art and science, and by our words and deeds.

If a man is fighting hard every day just to stay alive, where would he have the time to create beauty in this world? I find this juxtaposition of values to be disturbing to some extent; hard work should be so that we and our future generations have more time to do this great work, rather than an end goal in itself.

In the end, I would rather see a society in which people work normal hours, then spend their other time with family and friends, on arts and sciences and hobbies, rather than a society in which everyone has no life aside from work. The value of hard work has been over-exalted in a way to me.

Yes, the watermelon under pressure became very tough. But a watermelon's purpose is not to be tough, it is to taste sweet and juicy. Our purpose as human beings is not just to work hard, but to be human.

And that is what this analogy misses.

Chinese Valentine's Day

Yesterday was the last day of the Lunar new year, also know as the Chinese version of Valentine's day. There are two main activities for the day:

1. Sending up a flying lantern - Groups of people, or couples, write their wishes for the new year on the lantern which is somewhat like a hot air balloon, then let it fly into the night sky, probably so that the deities can recieve it.

2. Throwing oranges - Basically girls will write their phone numbers on oranges then throw them into a lake or river, where guys will then fish them out.

So yesterday I went to experience the festivities for the first time in my life, as before this I was always too lazy to go. I called up a gang of friends and we went to a large park, which was a designated area for these activities.

We started by writing wishes on a lantern. My good friend, a girl, asked me to write her wish for her, upon which I promptly wrote that she would get married this year, ignoring her loud protests. We observed many people's lanterns crashing into a wall of trees due to improper calculation of angle and wind strength, so by standing furthur from the trees and holding the lantern for a longer time before letting go, we avoided our wishes from being 'stuck' metaphorically. Holding the lantern longer lets the air inside it get hotter so it rises faster.

After that we proceeded to the orange throwing session. Many girls were throwing oranges into the lake, while some guys brought extendable poles with nets, which I found very professional.

My aforementioned good friend was too shy to throw, so I wrote her number on an orange then aimed at the lake. However at the last moment I turned and chucked it straight into the densest part of the crowd, to her great dismay.

After that multiple guys have been calling her, to my great delight. I always felt that throwing into the lake was less effective than throwing it directly at people, and the subsequent events have vindicated my opinion on this.

Good luck to her

I was coming back from work today in a rather dejected mood. When I reached the train station at which I had parked my car it was already 11 pm and all I could think of was how tiring my work was and how empty my stomach was.

Then this girl lugging heavy bags at the train station asked me how to get inside. The ticket counter was closed and the last train had departed, so I told her that, since it was quite obvious. She looked more dejected than me, which I would not have thought possible a moment ago. Feeling rather sorry for her, I asked her where she was going. She said she had to meet a friend to arrange accommodations as she had no place to stay.

As the train station I was at was rather far from everything, I offered her a lift to another LRT station. She accepted, unsurprisingly.

On the way I chatted with her a bit, and it turned out that she had been working near my place, but had quit today as she was going to enter college. She was going to meet a friend to look for temporary accommodation in KL before the semester started. I asked her why not go back to her hometown to stay the week, then she informed me that she was an orphan.

I dropped her at the station and she offered to pay me, which I declined of course. I wished her all the best in life.

If a young girl with no parents, who has to work at part time jobs and search for a place to stay or face being homeless can remain cheerful and fight on in life, I really don't see how I can complain just because I have to work hard and take some annoyances once in a while.

Perhaps God sent her to me just to remind me how lucky I am.

My heart is filled with love for my fellow human beings.